


Not Easy

by dumbass-of-darkness (Websterhorse)



Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: Depression, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 15:27:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21018026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Websterhorse/pseuds/dumbass-of-darkness
Summary: depression is hard to deal with, but luckily Axl Rose is there to help





	Not Easy

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this fic is highly personal and based on my own experience with depression and self harm, so please don't give me any shit for it. Enjoy reading!

Being in a band? Not easy. Being on tour with Guns n' Roses? Not easy. But yet here you are. Drummer of the up and coming band Webster. Currently on tour with none other than the great Guns n' Roses. You had just finished yet another show. The guys were out partying, but not you. You went back to your hotel room. On your own. This happened more and more these last few weeks on tour. You knew what was happening, your depression was getting worse again, but that didn't mean it doesn't scare you.

So here you are now. Sitting in your hotel room, all on your own. You are sitting on your bed, holding your knees making yourself as small as possible. You want to cry, but are physically unable to. Instead you close your eyes and rock your body from the back to the front. You are having more and more problems breathing and feel like passing out. You know this feeling all too well and you also know the only way to stop it. You reach with an unsteady hand to your nightstand and grab your knife. You open it slowly and stare at it for a while. You put it on your arm and let it rest there for a while. You then start pushing on it and drag it across your skin. Leaving a wound. You repeat this a few times on the exact same spot before turning to another spot next to it. After repeating this about five times, you put the knife on your nightstand. You look at your arm and see a little blood starting to come from the wounds. After looking for a while, you apply pressure around the wounds to stimulate the bleeding. Having relaxed a lot, you go to sleep.

After waking up the next morning, you feel pain in your arm. You look down and see the wounds, remembering what you did last night. A feeling of guilt and disgust washed over you. Nothing you weren't used to, but it still was a shitty feeling. You put on your leather pants and a shirt of your own band. As you go to put on your jacket, you realise that you don't have long sleeves to cover up the fresh wounds. You contemplate about opening your other suitcase, but decide against it. It's not like anyone of your band or Guns n' Roses would be awake now. They're probably only just back from partying all night. So you put on your battle vest and go out.

You walk out of the door of the hotel and notice the sun is still low at the horizon. "Where should I go?" You think out loud.

"Maybe we could eat breakfast somewhere?" The voice behind you startles you. You turn around and see Axl Rose. 

"What are you doing up so early?" Wouldn't he be out partying?

"Good morning to you too" you saw his lips form the slightest bit of a smile

"You didn't answer my question. Why aren't you out partying or something?" 

"Didn't feel like it, how about you?" 

"Same, so how about some breakfast?"

"Sounds good to me" he looked at your battle vest. Since you never wear it at concerts, he hasn't seen it yet. " Nice patch" he says pointing at your Appetite for Destruction patch.

As you walk to a diner, you and Axl chat about the tour, your upcoming albums and much more. It's basically small talk, but you enjoy the conversation. "Dude, that diner looks good" you say, looking up to Axl

"Yeah, come on. I'm hungry, let's eat." He opens the door and gestures for you to go in. He walks in right behind you. You sit down across from each other and start the small talk again. You can't help but notice the excitement in his eyes when he talks about his music. This side of Axl is one you have never seen before. He always seemed such an angry man, but this side of him was different. It made you forget everything on your mind. All you could focus on was him.

A while after ordering your food, the waiter comes again, this time with breakfast. Both you and Axl start eating, but after a while you notice that he stopped eating. You look up at him and notice him staring at something. Your arm, he was staring at your arm. Suddenly it clicked. He had noticed the wounds. Your mind starts racing. What would he think of you? He'll probably never wants to speak to you again now that he knows how fucked up you are. Why would he? You were a mess. You weren't good enough for him.

"Why did you do this, y/n?' 

You stay silent. You never thought he would notice it.

"Please look at me" you look up and see a hint of what you think is sadness in his eyes.

"Tell me, why did you do this to yourself" he didn't sound mad, nor did he sound disappointed. He had a sound of understanding in his voice. Like he knows what you're going through.

You finally speak up "I don't really know. Sometimes it just gets too much, you know? And then I just have to do it." You are amazed at how steady your voice stayed.

Axl dropped the subject for now, deciding that he would talk to you about it later. The first thing on his mind right now is making sure you were comfortable. So he starts talking to you again about everything and nothing. You talk about your hobbies, pets, musical influences (he is honoured to learn he is one of your main influences).

Soon, you leave the diner again. Feeling a lot happier than when you woke up this morning. Something about Axl was just really calming to you. 

"On our way here I saw a park. Do you want to go there?" Axl asks hopefully.

"Sounds fun" 

Not long after, we arrive at the park. There are a few couples there and someone walking his dog, but other than that the park is empty. Axl sits down in the grass and pats the ground beside him, gesturing that you should sit down, so you do. Once you are seated next to him, he scoots a bit closer and silently asks if you are all right. This small gesture prompts you to finally break down. Once again breathing becomes almost impossible. Your heartbeat fastens way too much and you start feeling sick in stomach. Axl quickly wraps his arms around you and starts whispering in your ear. You don't know what exactly he says, but you're ever so slowly starting to calm down. Once you have your breathing under control again, Axl wipes your tears away. You didn't even notice that you are crying. 

"I just feel like dying. It's not anyone would miss me" for the first time, you actually feel safe enough to talk about your problems.

"Hey, don't say that. Lots of people would miss you. I know that I would. Why are you saying this?" Axl's voice sounded unsteady.

"I don't know. I just feel like I'm not good enough. All I do is trying to make people happy and be a good person, but other people just seem to forget I exist. I just can't handle it anymore" you hope Axl could understand what you are saying, because you're still crying.

"You're more than good enough. You're one of the nicest people I have ever met and I hate seeing you like this"

You look up to him and see a glimpse of sadness in his eyes. "Thank you" 

He answered by pulling you closer and you stayed cuddled up like that for a while. 

This truly is the start of a beautiful friendship, or even more.


End file.
